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Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.

Wouldn't this same sentiment—"I enjoy playing soccer in the park, and an active sex life is important to me"—sound less caveman-ish in your actual profile? Davidson: "People need to see your face, but shooting up close with a wide-angle lens makes your nose look bigger.

I have a job that sucks, but I won't bitch about it too much.

(Okay, maybe I will.) I'd like to tell you I hang glide and build soup kitchens in Haiti, but last Saturday I got drunk at home and watched an entire season of_ Gossip Girl_.

Don't call yourself any of the following: witty, ambitious, down-to-earth, or humble.

Mention a few TV shows, movies, bands, and books you enjoy, but take it easy on the esoteric poetry, eight-year-old Bay Area rap lyrics, and the word I.

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It was a Whole Foods of my own sexual imagination—and I was shopping on an empty stomach.

Relax, don't overthink it, and remember that what you're putting up is the equivalent of first-date banter.

The process is a mild inconvenience, not a confession or a trap, so just chalk it up to the cost of being proactive. This sounds like some type of Yoda koan, but try to talk about what you like, not .

It's a little weird at first, trusting a computer algorithm to pair you off.

But three weeks (and six dates) from now, you'll realize that online dating is, for better and worse, just like regular dating—and not, sadly, like ordering a pizza online. It's boring, but dating-site handles aren't eligible for the Pulitzer.

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